Telling your partner that you want an open relationship can be an incredibly challenging thing. If you want to do it right, you’ll need to adhere to the advice in this article.
First, affirm to your partner what is working well in your relationship: what you appreciate about your sex life, how you express affection with each other, how intimate you feel with them. Then tell them that you long to experience sexual and/or romantic intimacy with others. Not because you're not dissatisfied with what you have, but because you believe in abundance, and that sharing your love with others will make life richer.
Having other partners won't take away from what you have with your primary partner; it will actually enhance your connection with them, because you will be morally obliged to communicate about all your feelings with each other -- the jealousy, the possessiveness, the envy, the insecurity.
This level of transparent communication will make you feel even closer. And the time spent from each other can create the kind of healthy distance that can increase your attraction for each other, because you don't take each other for granted.
Contributors: Jeffrey Kishner from Psychotherapy
"We could have some fun trying this” or “Could we talk about the possibility of an open marriage?” are some of the ways used to phrase the request to your partner. Rather than using terms such as swinging or open marriage, describe exactly what changes you have in mind for the relationship.
The easiest way to put their unease to rest is by offering them the chance to try their hand at casual dating for a while you sit back and enjoy hearing about their exciting encounters and supporting them through the experience. If they were feeling like this was your excuse to mess around with someone you’ve had a crush on, making things about them will put them at ease.
Contributors: Sigurd Vedal from Victoria Milan
Once you’ve made the decision that this is what you want, decide how to gently bring up the subject, be comfortable in your reasons for why you want this, and be ready for a long, open discussion. When you go to bring up the topic gently, make sure the two of you are alone with plenty of time to talk. It helps if you’re both in a good place in the relationship and aren’t currently stressed. You know your partner best, so be sure to tell them how much you love them and explain why you are considering this path.
There’s no perfect timing to bring it up, so once you have enough confidence, go for it! When you open the discussion, be sure to have an explanation for what you expect and want out of an open relationship. Have some ideas and guidelines ready to help show your partner what you have in mind. Of course, in the end, you both will decide together how things will work, but this at least helps open your partner’s mind to what you desire.
Everything you do should support the primary relationship, so when agreeing on guidelines make sure to put each other first and don’t consider the secondaries.
Contributors: Bethany Ricciardi from TooTimid
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