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Relationships: An Invaluable Guide To Reconciling

Reconciliations can be the much-needed conclusion to any fight or falling out that has gripped either two people or an entire group for any amount of time. However beneficial they may prove though, reconciliations are not without their own stresses and hardships one has to pull through for the whole venture to be worthwhile. This article attempts to go through some of the most honest and invaluable pointers surrounding the world of reconciliations, even throwing in two of the best settings to hold that conversation at the bottom of the piece.

#1 Understanding Different Meanings For Different People

A successful reconciliation may not mean the same to all parties. We may envision lots of togetherness, involvement in day-to-day life, and one big happy family. Someone else may see reconciling as a couple of holiday visits per year and a birthday card or bouquet. Forethought and honesty about what reconciliation means are important caveats for success.

Contributor: Sheri McGregor, M.A. at Done With The Crying and rejected parents

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  1. I do not have a relationship with my two daughters, one daughter has my three grand-children. I am unable to change how my daughters think although the one with the grand-children also has bi-polar it got to the point everything I said was wrong.

  2. I post supportive comments on fb (the only way to contact my son through his new wife) but I hear nothing from him. I don’t know what to say to him because I tried to very gently contact him and he hasn’t responded at all. I feel hopeless.

  3. I do not have a relationship with either daughters, their choice. I have had to come to terms with the fact that I cannot change the way others behave or perceive things. It is sad, as it is a loss for all involved. I send them love & move fwd.

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#2 Things To Combat

Unfortunately, the majority of the reconciled speak of much stress, a lack of trust, and fear that it won't last anyway. That's because there is often a lot of stressful history and hurt. Relationships need re-negotiation, too. People change in the interim.

Contributor: Sheri McGregor, M.A. at Done With The Crying and rejected parents

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  1. I just wish my son (my only child) would be open to talk to me. We had a wonderful bond and relationship. He met a nice girl and I thought this would be the daughter I never had. How wrong I was!

  2. I had a gathering with my 3 kids to be ambush which I knew it was. Going to happen. My oldedt daughter. Married to a senators son. She has always. Thought she was. Better do to her mothetn law. Plus she teaches k. Whereas her. Morals.

  3. Absolutely. Although change is often needed. I know I can’t reconcile with my daughter unless she makes an effort not to be so critical and judgmental and uncaring.

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#3 Outside Forces

Sometimes it's an outside force that brings reconciling about. Some parents said that the spouse of an adult child was instrumental in bringing them back together. Sometimes a sibling helps facilitate a sister's or brother's return to the fold. Most often, my survey revealed that reconciliation is initiated in the face of big events. A baby is born or on the way, a family member dies, a wedding occurs, or the adult son or daughter who estranged themselves is going through a divorce or facing a life threatening illness.

Contributor: Sheri McGregor, M.A. at Done With The Crying and rejected parents

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  1. I don’t see a happy ending for my situation. I truly hope I am wrong but it doesn’t look like there are any rainbows on the horizon – only storms.

  2. Beware siblings with reconciliation agendas. When I was 10 years my dad shouted while abusing me “.he had to restrain himself from KILLING me.”Today I want NO relationship with my parents & my sister doesn’t want elderly parent burdens. Tough for sis

  3. When a family member dies they are off celebrating. When a baby is born that is one more grandchild you won’t see. Weddings are parties that exclude you. Your child’s divorce is a time when they are dating again. I don’t believe this survey.

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#4 Continued Stresses

Among those who have reconciled for more than a short period or between episodic estrangements, there was either agreements to let bygones be bygones or continued family counseling. Among these, parties still viewed the reconciliations as stressful, but they felt good about trying and were motivated to work it out. Sometimes, the motivation derives from related relationships the parties valued, such as grandchildren or extended family.

Contributor: Sheri McGregor, M.A. at Done With The Crying and rejected parents

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    • Narcissistic people do not agree to counseling. Neither do people with borderline personality disorder. These two groups are most likely to be the children you are estranged from. What does this person have her M.A. degree in????

      • I have BPD and have been in therapy and have actually grown and learned to manage my issues. People are NOT just a diagnosis. Don’t be so judgmental

#5 Cafes/Malls

Find a fairly quiet and accessible coffee shop. Offer to buy the person a coffee. Make sure to bring a book or laptop so that you can work on something if the person ends up not showing up.

The mall is a great place if you want to reconcile and then run errands afterwards. Food courts are especially spacious and quiet enough for reconciliation.

Contributor: Alex Tran from we love eat travel

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#6 Visiting Their House

I suggest this if you're in the wrong. Ask to come over to their house to reconcile. Bring a gift (coffee, lunch, flowers). Make the effort to reconcile if you're in the position to apologize.

Contributor: Alex Tran from we love eat travel

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Written by James Metcalfe

Twenty year old writer living life on the south coast, struggles to tie his own shoelaces. Believes Toad is the real hero of the Mario universe.

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