James Metcalfe
Breaking up is never an easy process to go through, regardless of which side of the conversation you find yourself on. You can never account for someone else’s reaction and the fear of hurting. Subsequently losing or souring memories and experiences is also a tough thing to undertake. However, there is a certain etiquette that should be upheld when it comes letting go of someone, both for your sake and theirs. Below are 7 expert-sourced ways of making that breakup conversation a little bit easier and more respectful for the both of you.
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#1 Honesty
The most considerate reason to give for your desire to break up is an honest reason. Resist the temptation to blame it on external factors, such as needing concentrate on your career. There's nothing wrong with saying you're not feeling strongly enough to move forward.
Make the terms clear. If you don't want to remain friends or in touch, don't say you want to be friends or that you'll call them sometime.
Contributor: Elly Klein from RelationshipWriter
#2 Location, Location, Location
The most considerate place to break up with someone is somewhere private where one or both of you can talk freely and maybe shed a tear or two. It's not fair to break up with someone in public or within earshot of others where emotions need to be censored.
Contributor: Elly Klein from RelationshipWriter
#3 The Good News
The most considerate way to start the breakup conversation is with something positive. Acknowledge them as a person by listing a number of their qualities you admire and thanking them for the wonderful experiences you've shared.
Contributor: Elly Klein from RelationshipWriter
#4 Effective Communication
It is important to be direct and honest throughout your relationship and the break up should be no different. Effective communication is key, even at the end. Don't assume your partner knows you have concerns that have impacted your faith in the relationship. Expressing your concerns and keeping the lines of communication open can help make the process to be less painful for both people involved.
Contributor: J.L. Kirkwood from jlkirkwood.com
#5 Lead With Sincerity
Your best approach is to be sincere, clear, and patient with the person you are breaking up with. If they have a question, answer it. And remember that this isn’t the time to be focusing on how you are being perceived by the person you are breaking up with but rather is the time to make sure your ex isn’t left in the dark with a thousand miserable and misguided thoughts.
Contributor: Chelsea Leigh Trescott from Thank You Heartbreak
#6 80/20 Rule
It’s unfair to put your unhappiness, disinterest, or what have you on anyone else. The better way to take accountability and explain the breakup to your ex is by saying, “I just need someone who’s as organized/anal retentive/neat as I am” versus “I can’t be with you because you’re messy.” It’s a silly example but the difference is there.
If you say you’re breaking up with someone because they’re a slob, they might get overly hung up on “fixing” that side of themselves when the reality is there are plenty of potential suitors out there that wouldn’t care whether you’re a slob or not. It’s important that during a breakup you don’t blame the other person for what you aren’t getting and have discovered you need in a relationship. It’s similar to the “it’s not you, it’s me” approach.
Contributor: Chelsea Leigh Trescott from Thank You Heartbreak
#7 Let Them Hear Your Voice
When it comes to breaking up, the easiest route is the worst route. Even if you think you are being clear and cordial in a breakup text, you better believe that text is going to be read dozens upon dozens of times and reinterpreted based upon one’s immediate mood and current thought process.
To save someone from this soul crushing experience, let the person you are breaking up with hear your voice. The tone alone will answer so many questions. A breakup needs to be a conversation—a fluid conversation—and isn’t the time to think about what’s convenient for you.
Contributor: Chelsea Leigh Trescott from Thank You Heartbreak
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