Ben Skute
Overthinking is nearly always a bad thing. It can lead to your mind playing tricks on you, coming up with scenarios that have not taken place and your mind becoming a complete battlefield of emotions. A key step to tackling the problem is to understand when you are over analyzing the actions of your partner. Below are some essential tips to tackle the problem.
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#1 Constantly Asking Intensive Questions
It might be the case that you are over analyzing your partner if most of the time you spend together is being spent asking intensive questions and constantly trying to “understand” why or what he was doing.
Contributors: Lori Whatley from LoriWhatley
#2 Secretly Checking Texts and Social Media
You might be over-analyzing your partner if you are secretly going through his electronic devices looking at emails, call history and texts. This undermines the relationship with a sense of distrust and can lead to more bad thoughts in your mind.
Contributors: Lori Whatley from LoriWhatley
#3 Paranoia
Overanalyzing in a romantic relationship can be unsettling for partners and disrupt the peaceful state of the duo. This could result in some partners becoming paranoid and unable to be interactive in the relationship due to feeling their every move is being scrutinized.
Contributors: Lori Whatley from LoriWhatley
#4 Your Mind Responds Negatively
Let’s say you’ve met this great guy/girl and things are going great. You’re going out on dates, texting constantly throughout the day and building your connection. But one night he/she sends a text saying, “I can’t meet up tonight, I have to work.” Only, he’s never done this before so your mind starts racing. What does this mean? Is he/she still into me? Is he with someone else? Does he/she want to break up?
You have now built a narrative around one text message that most likely has no hidden meaning. Something may have come up and he really just needs to finish up some work. When our mind responds negatively to something sudden or a change in plans, it normally indicates that you’re over analyzing, especially if your partner has never given you a reason to not trust him/her.
Contributors: Chantel Cohen from CWC Coaching and Therapy
#5 You Start Acting According to Your Thoughts
Let’s continue that ‘working late’ scenario. Once you get that text, rather than responding with, “Sorry you have to stay late, let me know when you’d like to reschedule,” you start to get sad, you consult your friends on how to respond to this “heart wrenching” message you’ve received (hopefully they tell you to stop overanalyzing), you wonder if you should jump the gun and ask him if he wants to break up. If you both end up rescheduling, you may even start to act a bit distant, because you don’t know what to expect and you don’t trust that “I need to work late,” just means that he had to work late.
Contributors: Chantel Cohen from CWC Coaching and Therapy
#6 Compliments Become Negative Statements
Even if they’ve assured you that there was no hidden mean behind what they’re saying. Let’s say he/she says, “You look good tonight babe,” and you automatically say, “you don’t think I look good all the time?” You’ve completely glossed over the fact that your partner is admiring you. And even after they’ve assured you that you are always beautiful/handsome, your mind still can’t let it go and that comes with follow up questions. “Why did you say I look good tonight? That must mean that I only look good tonight. Are you even attracted to me?” If you can’t take your partner at face value and believe that they just wanted to let you know that you look good in that moment, your over analyzing what they're saying, which is normally tied to an insecurity.
Contributors: Chantel Cohen from CWC Coaching and Therapy
#7 Can’t Move On From a Past Statement or Situation
Oftentimes our mind sticks to a statement or action that someone makes during a discussion or an argument. People say things in the heat of the moment or make statements that are misunderstood. I encourage clients to speak openly with their partner about how they feel in these instances. But I suggest that they do it in a calm nature when they are both open to receiving what one another has to say. This can bring along clarity because many times one person means something from a statement while the other hears it differently.
Now, if your partner has apologized and assured you that they did not mean to hurt you and explain their intention behind a statement, and you still can’t stop thinking about it, you could be over analyzing. You question whether you should have forgiven him/her, whether they were sincere. Your mind can’t stop racing and you’re thinking questions after question when really, your relationship should be built on trust.
Contributors: Chantel Cohen from CWC Coaching and Therapy
#8 You Minimize the Good and Maximize the Bad
You think of all the negative things he’s said about himself, and things that may have rubbed you the wrong way and relate them to something he just said. Everything good that he/she has done is out the window because you’re trying to make sense of something that your partner has already tried to clear up for you. I’d like to stress that sometimes we’re don’t overanalyze and our gut does try to speak to us through warning signs in certain situations. But if you often find that your mind can’t stop racing and you have a hard time trusting your partner after they have tried to bring clarity to the situation, these are signs of overanalyzing. Something very simple becomes very complex and that’s often a sign of mistrust or insecurity within yourself.
If they have been faithful and haven’t given you a reason to feel suspicious about their behavior, there’s another reason why you can’t stop thinking of one alternative reasoning after the other.
Contributors: Chantel Cohen from CWC Coaching and Therapy
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