Nathaniel Fried
Divorce is never easy, and this article isn’t going to take the pain and work away from dealing with it. However, it might help you deal with the practical and emotional side of divorce.
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#1 Put kids first
Do not lie to the kids, it's disrespectful and kids can read vibe. They know when their parents aren't okay. Become co-parents and negotiate on behalf of the kids. Do not use the kids as leverage, ever.
Contributor: Lisa Concepcion from lisaconcepcion.com
#2 Cope with your emotions in a healthy way
If you are sad or depressed, recognize and accept these emotions. Avoid coping with negative emotions by drinking or engaging in other harmful behavior. Find a positive outlet for your emotions. Maybe try talking with a close friend or therapist.
Contributor: Emily Mendez, M.S. EdS from onthewagon.org
#3 Take care of yourself
Self-care can be hard for anyone who is stressed or depressed. But, not taking care of yourself only makes things worse. Exercise is a great outlet for stress. Plus, if offers a number of health benefits too. Meditation or yoga is another excellent way to take care of yourself.
Contributor: Emily Mendez, M.S. EdS from onthewagon.org
#4 Give yourself enough time to move on
Resist the urge to move on to a new relationship immediately. Take time to grieve and process the breakup. Jumping into a new relationship right away will only lead to regret later on. Rebound relationships rarely last as they tend to be based on dependence.
Contributor: Emily Mendez, M.S. EdS from onthewagon.org
#5 Get social support
Men sometimes have fewer close friends to rely on in times of trouble, so connecting with the people who are close to you can be vital during this difficult time.
Contributor: Raffi Bilek, LCSW-C from baltimoretherapycenter.com
#6 Don't Facebook stalk
It is tempting to keep up with your ex-wife on social media, but that is only going to make it harder to cope and move beyond the current situation.
Contributor: Raffi Bilek, LCSW-C from baltimoretherapycenter.com
#7 Consider divorcing without lawyers
It is possible and salvages the family finances. Work with a mediator and a coach who can have the entire process sorted out within 90 days.
Contributor: Lisa Concepcion from lisaconcepcion.com
#8 Consider working on the marriage
Divorce is pricey and often unnecessary. People simply stop appreciating one another, boundaries are broken, respect is lost and the entire relationship goes down a negative path. It doesn't have to continue that way. Most couples say they would salvage their marriage if they had a way.
The problem is they often try couples therapy or marital counseling and spend too much time blaming one another than creating something new. Coaching focuses on progress and offers couples specific exercises that are customized for them and their specific issue. Most commonly it's a communication breakdown and sloppy language. If there is love at the core, it can be salvaged provided both partners commit to the work. There is no magic pill.
Contributor: Lisa Concepcion from lisaconcepcion.com
#9 If divorce is imminent commit to the process and do NOT date anyone
If divorce is imminent commit to the process and do NOT date anyone until a year after you're divorced. Men often get hit hard post-divorce. Emotional and financial rebuilding is the top priority. The majority of men start dating while getting divorced which is always a dramatic mess. Avoid going wild trying to reclaim your youth with young women, late nights partying, drugs and alcohol.
Instead go inward and fully commit to your healing. Realize that you cannot do it alone and build a support team to help you. Even if the man wants the divorce he still will have a period of adjustment and settling into his new life.
Contributor: Lisa Concepcion from lisaconcepcion.com
#10 Establish boundaries early
The last thing a man needs is to be manipulated by his ex-wife. Be very clear about schedules (if there are kids involved). Also be clear about which topics are off limits and no longer the other person's business.
Contributor: Lisa Concepcion from lisaconcepcion.com
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