Nat Sauteed
Dark Escorts London open up about their memorable moments, craziest clients, and wildest nights in the big smoke.
Who doesn’t want a glimpse into the tawdry life details of a life we’ll never actually live ourselves? There’s a reason that shows like Big Brother, Love Island, and The Only Way is Essex are so popular. For whatever reason, we British love to take a front-row seat in the lives of other people- provided we don’t actually have to speak to them directly about it.
And what could be more fascinating than the life of a real London escort? Escorts of London have had more than a bit of screen and page time. With books and television shows detailing the lives that these women lead. It’s no wonder that we all enjoy it so much, as it’s something that is fairly foreign to think about. Exciting, a bit naughty, and unlikely to ever be a part of our day today, we love to hear the stories about how it really is.
To satisfy curiosity, and perhaps ignite the imagination, we snagged four of the top-ranking girls from Dark Escorts London to tell us their favorite tales from their stranger than fiction lives.
Bubble Up, Duckie!
“One of my favorite clients is an older gentleman. He has been a regular of mine for some years, and once a month, he buys me a rubber duck. Each one is different. When he first became my client, that was the first gift he gave me. I thought it was incredibly odd, as I’m used to clients giving me nice perfumes or expensive lingerie, but not him! He gave me a small rubber duck- with sunglasses on. It turns out this is because every time we have an appointment, he just likes to watch me bathe. That’s it. He says he’s too old for much else, so he sits in a comfortable chair in my bathroom once a month, and watches me take a bubble bath with all of my little friends. He even calls me his “duck”. It’s adorable.” – Thiana, 33
From Blue Balls to Black
“My first night of escorting, I was booked into an evening with a higher profile gentleman. We were scheduled to go to all the best and most exclusive clubs in London. When I got the assignment, I thought it was a bit odd, as I was supposed to pose as his “cousin”. However, I had heard of girls getting dates where they were just supposed to look like a girlfriend, so I supposed that this wasn’t much different. When I got to the first nightclub, where I was scheduled to meet him, I was sent up to a private VIP room. The only people at the table were men, all business types, all very posh. It was a little uncomfortable, then my “date” started auctioning me off to the other men at the table, trying to take the highest bid for himself. When I said that’s not what I was there for, he got angry and told me that “I’d get my cut”. I was so disgusted that I stormed out without giving him a refund and got him blackballed from my agencies suitors list. Luckily, I’ve never had a jerk like that again.” – Tiana, 24
The Whigs Have It
“I have a client who’s pretty deep into role play. He buys the most intricate and beautiful costumes, comes up with scripts, even has different props to go along with the whole thing. His fetish is really around Georgian and Victorian England, so most of the costumes are really elaborate. One time, he got really excited because he was able to find me a real whalebone corset. The problem is that I am incredibly busty, so it didn’t quite fit, but I managed to get it on anyhow. In the middle of some pretty raunchy role play, one of the bones popped out of its seams and literally stabbed me in the arm. There was blood everywhere and he had to take me to hospital, while he was dressed as a Georgian suitor, and I was done up like a high bred lady- 6-foot wig and all.” – Alice, 27
MarMite I Ask You a Question?
“I used to have a punter that loved marmite. Like, really REALLY loved marmite. He would ask me to slather it on my body and feet so he could lick it off. One time, he was having trouble getting it out of the jar, so he heated it up a little. The liquid marmite was actually like liquid lava when he began to pour it on my stomach. I screamed and immediately ran into taking a cold shower. Needless to say, we parted ways shortly after that, and I can’t bring myself to even look at Marmite toast anymore.” – Linda, 30
