Ben Skute
Have you ever been through one of those terrible and painful break-ups that leave you doubting love itself, let alone being able to trust someone else?
I have, and so have lots of people. Here are some tips on tricks on how to start trusting again and taking back control.
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#1 Let go
If you gave it your best shot, and you know it's over, don't waste time in resentment and anger, it's self-destructive. Let go. Do your grieving, cry, journal, and talk about it alone, or with a trusted friend. Have a letting go ceremony with close friends, and say goodbye to your married/relationship life. Put reminders away for a while.
Contributors: Tina B. Tessina from TinaTessina author of Dr. Romance's Guide to Finding Love Today
#2 Get therapy
Don't hesitate to get therapy to help you through this transition, so you can grieve what's lost (even if you're the one who left, you've lost your hopes and dreams for this marriage/relationship) and move your focus on to building a good life in your new circumstance. A professional viewpoint will help you move from past to present, and plan for the future.
Contributors: Tina B. Tessina from TinaTessina author of Dr. Romance's Guide to Finding Love Today
#3 Friends & Family Support
This is an important time to have your friends or family around you, you need support. Don't isolate. You don't have to go right out and date again (go slow with that) but you should have a social life with friends and family. Even if you don't think you feel ready to see people, see your closest friends and spend time with them. They'll help you heal, and remind you that you still have people who love you.
Contributors: Tina B. Tessina from TinaTessina author of Dr. Romance's Guide to Finding Love Today
#4 Trust Again
After a bad break up it can be hard to trust others again. Find ways that you authentically connect with others- be it through the gym, a book club, art or being outdoors. Maybe you find your favorite youtube blogger and the community in the comments- connect there. Spend time connecting with those you find ease with and joy. The more you connect with others that bring a positive and good vibe to your world, the more you want of that kind connection. The more authentic connections you have, the more you can trust.
Contributors: Christi Garner from Christi Garner LMFT
#5 Find Joy
The key is to finding the goodness inside of yourself. What brings you more alive ? What sparks your interest naturally? Is it baking, making things, meeting people, or reading a good book? Find where you come alive and do more of that everyday. Once you get the good feelings built back up inside of you, you naturally attract more good people and good situations in your life. This will lead to more authentic and trusting relationships.
Contributors: Christi Garner from Christi Garner LMFT
#6 Grieve
You can't avoid the feelings from the break-up. Only when the loss is properly grieved, can you enter into the next relationship without the baggage of the old one.
Contributors: Christine Carpenter, PsyD from Evolve Dating and Relationship Coaching
#7 Communicate
When in a new relationship: Talk to your partner when you feel insecure. If you are projecting old fears onto the new situation, talking it through can help you get clear. We have all been hurt so we all need reassurance. Ask for it. Getting it gives you a good reason to start trusting again.
Contributors: Christine Carpenter, PsyD from Evolve Dating and Relationship Coaching
#8 Rebuild trust and gain self-respect
Extending trust to others can rekindle your inner spirit and can bring happiness to you and others. The truth is that there are smart ways to rebuild trust and gain self-respect:
- Get in touch with the root of your trust issue. Do you sometimes feel that love is easily broken and fear that it will disappear despite everything you do?
- Extend trust to yourself – trust your instincts and intuition. This involves moving on from the past, forgiving others, and accepting yourself as you are today.
- Extend trust to others. Don’t automatically assume that a failure of competence is a failure of character. Many mistakes aren’t intentional so don’t make them into something they are not.
- Make sure the words you use to express your feelings are consistent with your goal of building a loving and trusting relationship. It’s important not to blame or criticize your partner when you confront him.
- Listen to his/her side of the story.
- Challenge mistrustful thoughts. Are they based in reality or related to your past experience?
- Keep in mind that restoring trust is a slow process. You were born with a propensity to trust but through your life experience, you may have become less trusting as a way of protecting yourself.
- Face your trust issues with optimism and make a conscious choice to trust others who demonstrate consistent behavior and are deserving of your trust.
Contributors: Terry Gaspard from MovingPastDivorce
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