Anna Maria Richards
Things a little less than mind-blowing lately? Don’t worry, you’re among friends.
Sometimes, relationships get a little less than exciting in the bedroom department. It happens to just about every couple, particularly those that are in it for the long haul. And of those- especially when it comes to the cis-terhood of dating dudes- sometimes, the ladies are stuck holding the reigns. This is largely because of the base differences between average male and female sexualities and sex drives. While both are a mosaic of many different drivers, notions, and preferences- women tend to lean towards a more cerebral desire mechanism, where men are more visually inclined.
Simply put- men just want naked and sexy, while women tend to enjoy things a bit more complex. The Pleasure Playhouse, an online sex toy retailer- showcases the genuine enormity of selection available toys for couples that are available to us today. From fun and slinky lingerie to masturbation sleeves, clitoral stimulators, and far, far, beyond. Which leaves us all in the precarious situation of no longer having any excuse to branch out beyond the vanilla.
Boring Sex? Try New Things
Makes sense, right? If you eat the same takeout every night, year after year- it’s going to get pretty boring. Even if you’re eating the spiciest Thai food available, variety is necessary in order to keep things exciting. There are so many toys, games, films, and books to look towards to get new and exciting ideas for sex. It doesn’t need to be all bondage and bear suits either.
Try out new masturbation toys, or consider sexting- even if you’re just across the room. Dress up. Get into it. Take some time to figure out what kind of fantasies really appeal to your partner, and let them know what appeals to you. So, don’t be afraid to branch out and try new things. Even if they end up disastrous. Because frankly- there’s no better way to bond than over a hilarious sexy time faux pas with your partner.
Communication is Key
Chances are, if you’ve spent any time working on rekindling the fire of a burnt-out relationship, you’ve heard this piece of advice over and over again. Outside of just being the only way to really repair and maintain any relationship you hold in your life- it genuinely is good advice. Although it can be exceptionally difficult to follow. Especially when it comes to communicating about sex. Tensions and emotions run high in this particular area, but it’s worth any frustration or heartache the conversation may bring with it.
Sex is about so much more than just penetration. If you’re feeling like your bedroom activities have gone a bit stale, it might be because you forgot how to touch, talk, and explore one another without the pretence of sex- or you’re not totally comfortable exposing vulnerabilities. Go back to that. Keep an open line of communication with your partner before, during, and after the deed. Throw in a blindfold and really listen to what your partner says and how their bodies react. Remember that great sex is good sex for two people at the same time. That means not just focusing on your own gratification, or the satisfaction of your partner, but being in the moment and enjoying every second that passes.
Make Time to Miss One Another
Sure, it might sound a bit counterintuitive at first- but both you and your partner need some time to genuinely miss the other. This can be pretty difficult sometimes, especially with new rules and guidelines concerning COVID- but there are always ways to create a loving space that can help spice up your respective libidos.
One of the best ways is to just create space. Even if you live in the same household, find time for yourself, put on some headphones, or go for a solo stroll. For some couples, creating naughty little voyeur moments is a great way to ramp back up those lusty feelings for your partner. Indulge in your favorite adult content while using your favorite sex toy. Masturbation is a healthy, and important part of sexuality. Especially for those of us in long-term relationships. It can also be a fun little surprise should your partner “accidentally” walk-in.
There are also a number of “distanced” sex toys for couples available. Remote and app-controlled vibrators let your partner know you’re thinking about them, without having to be in their grill. They can also provide a bit of naughty excitement without having to schedule full-on one on one time. Leaving you both free to explore your thoughts and feelings and get that little tug of desire back.
