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11 Simple And Easy Tips To Stop Arguing With Your Fiancé

Arguments happen in all relationships, even in the ones that might look perfect on the outside. And arguments are actually healthy for both partners because they provide an opportunity to connect to each other on a deeper level. If you know how to argue right, that is.

So instead of focusing on how to stop arguing per say, try listening to what your partner is trying to communicate to you and validate them. Avoid getting defensive and explaining your point, just stay with your partner’s pain for a moment. For example, instead of saying You are wrong and I am right and this is why, you can say something like this: It sounds like you are very upset (frustrated, angry etc) about this. It’s a bit hard for me to understand where you are coming from, but it makes sense why you might be feeling this way. Thank you for trusting me and letting me know.

By restating your partner’s point of view, validating and normalizing them (instead of being right and making it about yourself), you make them feel heard and understood, which results in fewer hearted arguments and a deeper sense of intimacy.

– Irina Baechle, LCSW, Relationship Therapist and Dating Coach. Author of A 5-Step Connection Guide To Your Dream Marriage.

#1 Seek premarital counselling

Issues tend to get worse after marriage instead of better. Work through them BEFORE you get married. 

Contributor: Rachel Lamson

Company: securetheknot.com

#2 Be willing to lose

Not everything has to be a win for you in the argument. The earlier you decide what's most important to you, stuff you're not willing to give ground on, the better chance you have of avoiding arguments in the future. 

To borrow a classic Dr. Phil-ism, do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy? That advice has gotten me through what would have been a lot more arguments with my wife than necessary. Most of the time I'd rather be happy than win. I think she feels the same way, too. 

Contributor: Adam C. Earnheardt, Ph.D

Company: adamearn.com

#4 Be willing to shut-up and listen

Telling someone to shut-up sounds harsh, but sometimes we need to hear that advice. Listening is hard to do, and most arguments for young couples happen because one person thinks they're not being heard. It's one thing to hear your partner's complaints, it's another thing to really listen to them. This takes patience, and it involves active listening--taking the time to let your partner know, both verbally and nonverbally that you're listening to what they're saying. 

Contributor: Adam C. Earnheardt, Ph.D

Company: adamearn.com

#7 State your concern in 2-3 sentences

As with any arguments, once you or the other person has become defensive, you've both lost. Instead, try each stating your concern in 2-3 sentences; acknowledge the others' concerns and clarify as needed. Offer what you feel to be a good solution and have them do the same. Usually, by this point, a solution makes itself available. 

Contributor: Rachel Lamson

Company: securetheknot.com

#10 Speak softer and slower

The loudest one does not win or mean they are right, it just means they are loud. Someone has to be calm in the room to de-escalate the situation. Speaking in a calm lower tone does not mean you have less power or meaning with your words, it just means you are willing to hear your loved one out knowing you will get your turn. 

Contributor: Rose Lawrence

Company: mindbal.com

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Written by Nathaniel Fried

Co-founder of Fupping. Busy churning out content and building an empire.

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