James Metcalfe
Losing a serious relationship can be a traumatising and difficult period of anyone’s life to fully recover from and move forward with a much-needed sense of positivity or even optimism. These 8 invaluable tips from leading experts in the field, however, will ensure that you are in the best possible position to reach the happier place you want to be.
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#1 Rediscover Hopes And Goals
Get in touch with what you need and want for your own life and your own future. After being in a serious relationship, it can be easy to lose sight of what you want and need for yourself to be happy. Re-engage with your hopes, dreams, and goals for yourself and your future. This will help you not focus so much on the relationship that has been lost.
Contributor: GinaMarie Guarino, LMHC from psychpoint.com
#2 Acceptance
Being able to let go of a relationship requires that you practice acceptance. Accepting a situation for what it is doesn't mean that you have to like it, but it does mean that you have to understand what it is you can and cannot control. Once you figure out which aspects of the situation are within your control, you can develop a plan and put it into action. More often than not, what is in your control is your reaction to the situation.
Contributor: Parker Horveath with ambrosiatc.com
#3 Gratitude #1
Gratitude is about a shift in perception. It's all about shifting your attention from the negative and focusing on the positive. It's likely that throughout the relationship, you've experienced some growth. Be thankful for the good times, because they have shaped who you are as a person.
On the other hand, you wouldn't be who you are today without also having to experience some pain and discomfort. Loss of a loved one is an inevitable part of the human experience, and because you are going through this one, you can emerge much stronger and better equipped for life's upcoming challenges.
Contributor: Parker Horveath with ambrosiatc.com
#4 Gratitude #2
The loss of a loved one is also a great opportunity to be grateful for the people in your life that are still there, and not take them for granted in the future. If nothing else, having to let go of a loved one is a reminder that good relationships are precious and deserve our attention.
Contributor: Parker Horveath with ambrosiatc.com
#5 Social Media
Take a break from the person on social media. This doesn't mean dramatically blocking them for effect or to hurt them. But for most people, it can be helpful to limit exposure to the reminders of the person and the relationship for a period of time while healing. If you end amicably, you can even let the other person know that you are going to unfollow them for a bit so there is no confusion about your motives.
Contributor: Heather McKenzie from mckenziecounseling.org
#6 List Why It Didn’t Work
Make a list of the reasons why you are not a good fit together. This is not a list of all the reasons you hate them or what makes them a bad person. That will just get your emotions flared up and make it harder to move forward (anger can keep us stuck!). Focus on areas of mismatch such as values, interests, communication styles, activity level, family, ambition, spirituality, etc. Carry this list with you or snap a picture to have on your phone so that you can remind yourself in moments of nostalgia or weakness.
Contributor: Heather McKenzie from mckenziecounseling.org
#7 Make New Memories
This means going to the places you used to go with your ex and purposefully creating a new fun experience with your friends or yourself there. It helps to redefine the way you see places so that you don't feel sad every time you go into Trader Joe's or your favorite ice cream shop. Those sad emotions can prompt us to reach back out to the ex even when we don't truly want to.
Contributor: Heather McKenzie from mckenziecounseling.org
#8 Perspective
Accept the fact that it’s normal or typical to have emotional reactions to the ending of a relationship. They’ve probably been there all along (with your partner) and are simply intensified during and after the break-up or divorce process.
Acknowledge that all relationships end due to break up or death. Just because your relationship is over, it doesn’t mean you’re inadequate or inferior — or there’s something wrong with you. Give yourself a break.
Contributor: Terry Gaspard MSW, LICSW from movingpastdivorce.com
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