in

He Cheated: How To Recover From Being Cheated On (For Women)

Photo by Pablo Heimplatz on Unsplash

Being cheated on is never something you can just ‘deal with’. It’s a betrayal of both trust and respect. We reached out to experts to get the best advice on how to deal with being cheated on (for women).

#1 Talk About The Experience

No Title

No Description

In recent years, I have found this book: Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life by Tracy Schorn to be a valuable resource for people recovering from infidelity. Tracy also has a blog called Chumplady, and there are Chumplady Meetup Groups in various areas, where people that have been cheated on can go and share their stories with one another. Talking about the experience, and hearing about others that have gone through a similar painful past, helps people process what has happened & normalize their situation, so that rather than feeling alone and isolated they can feel supported and heard. Ultimately, it will take time to heal and rebuild trust with others, but connecting with people that have been through the same, is a great first step.

Contributors: Regina A. DeMeo from Law Office of Regina A. DeMeo

0 points
Upvote Downvote

#2 Decide you can and will be happy again

No Title

No Description

Source

Finding out you've been cheated on is traumatic, and just like with any trauma, you can get stuck. Practice managing your self talk- make it more positive than negative. We can make it through this instead of This relationship is doomed. No, the relationship will not be exactly as it was before this lightning strike, but it can be happy and satisfying again. You don't have to make them suffer for the wrong over and over again by living in the trauma day in and out. You can go forward and experience more good with them to balance out and even surpass the bad experiences.

Contributors: NaDasha Elkerson from Love Worth Keeping Relationship Coaching

0 points
Upvote Downvote

#3 Decide cheating isn’t the deal breaker you thought it was

No Title

No Description

Source

Most women tell each other that there shouldn't be a choice after infidelity. They believe it should be an instantaneous deal breaker, and if it isn't, there will never be any trust or happiness in the relationship again. That is far from the truth. Plenty of couples have endured cheating and ended up thriving together. There IS a choice here for women, just like there is always a choice in life. You can stay and decide to heal. If this is the man you love, you can stay and let the hurt fade in time, and rebuild trust. You have the right to change your mind about what is actually a dealbreaker for the person you love. 

Contributors: NaDasha Elkerson from Love Worth Keeping Relationship Coaching

0 points
Upvote Downvote

#4 Practice trust

No Title

No Description

Source

No one really deserves our trust. All people have issues that make us untrustworthy creatures. We are always finding new ways to hurt one another. For that reason, trust is something we CHOOSE to give away. We have to decide that this person is someone we want to trust, then practice trusting them. Don't go through their phone. Don't call them just to see if they will answer and to check up on where they are. Don't spend all your time analyzing every word they speak to you. Believe they did wrong but they aren't always trying to hurt you. Believe they are still worthy of your trust and love. 

Contributors: NaDasha Elkerson from Love Worth Keeping Relationship Coaching

0 points
Upvote Downvote

#5 Prepare for the fallout

No Title

No Description

Source

If people know he cheated on you and you decide to stay and work things out, you're going to have to be prepared to deal with many well-intentioned people who are going to try to make you feel awful about the decision. Friends and family are going to be angry with you, telling you that you deserve better and that you should give up. They say these things from their own fears of being hurt. While you're feeling your own hurt, don't be drawn into their fears and memories of being in your position. Their feelings have nothing to do with your decision. Be prepared to be firm about telling people that you have made up your mind and you don't want to talk about the subject any more. Be careful about saying less than glowing things about your relationship to the people who can't respect that boundary in the future. 

Contributors: NaDasha Elkerson from Love Worth Keeping Relationship Coaching

0 points
Upvote Downvote

#6 Consider the reason

No Title

No Description

Source

It's not making up excuses, it's seeing if there is a reason other than just not loving you for this behavior. For instance, one of the signs of bipolar disorder is hypersexuality. Combined with lowered inhibitions, you could have a man who loves you desperately but cheats regularly. If you're going to heal with him, it's good to understand what the reasons truly are behind the infidelity so something could be done about them. Both of you could heal at the same time. 

Contributors: NaDasha Elkerson from Love Worth Keeping Relationship Coaching

0 points
Upvote Downvote

#7 Don’t make his cheating about his love for you

No Title

No Description

Source

People believe you can't possibly love someone if you cheat on them but I've seen time and time again that isn't true. There are plenty of reasons a person could cheat that have nothing to do with their feelings for you and everything to do with their own upbringing, issues and pain. Look for other ways you are shown love regularly and remember it's the people who love us the most who are close enough to hurt us the deepest. 

Contributors: NaDasha Elkerson from Love Worth Keeping Relationship Coaching

0 points
Upvote Downvote

#8 Seek out a friend

No Title

No Description

Source

Never go through a cheating partner or nasty break up alone. Otherwise, you may fall prey to depression and falling into the same cycle with another shattered relationship. You need someone to listen to your frustration and worries, offer advice during times of need, tell you when you are overthinking things, and push you out of your comfort-zone. Talk to a friend or two about forming a support team. If you are having moments of severe anxiety regarding your new partner and need advice, call your friends up. Sometimes, gaining an outside perspective--someone who listens--clears up miscommunications and relieves the initial explosion of negative emotions. 

Contributors: Justin Lavelle from PeopleLooker

0 points
Upvote Downvote

#9 Document your jealousy

No Title

No Description

Source

Do you have moments of unexplained jealousy toward your partner? Does it sometimes cause you to lash out in anger? Past cheating partners often result in severe anxiety and lack of trust, unfortunately, for future relationships. The last thing you want is to let these emotions overpower your judgment and cast unfair blame onto your partner. Therefore, pinpoint the triggers that may subconsciously remind your of your ex: text messaging, staying out late, hanging out with friends, etc. While these may have been the actions and excuses of your cheating ex, you cannot fault your new partner if he or she does step out of the office for fresh air and a bite to eat with coworkers during lunch. These are, after all, common things almost everyone does. Instead, each time you feel a severe bout of jealousy, jot it down in a journal. Documenting your negative emotions allows you to see a pattern and answer the burning question, β€œWhy am I feeling this way?” 

Contributors: Justin Lavelle from PeopleLooker

0 points
Upvote Downvote

#10 Wait a day or two before making life-changing decisions

No Title

No Description

Source

It is natural for an explosion of pain, anger, sadness, and anxiety when a person discovers that his/her partner has committed the ultimate betrayal. More often than not, cheating results in immediate or soon-to-be termination of a relationship, as well as impulsive revenge tactics that make the situation worse. Rather than falling prey to the consequences of irrational situations, take a day or two to calm down from the situation.

Contributors: Justin Lavelle from PeopleLooker

0 points
Upvote Downvote

#11 Privatize your social media accounts

No Title

No Description

Source

Perhaps terminating your relationship was the only way you could move on from heartbreak, feelings of inadequacy, and endless paranoia. The next step you must take is to set your social media accounts to private and protect yourself from your ex learning about your current location, relationship status, and other details about your life. While you may have blocked your ex from seeing your account, he/she could enlist friends to check up on you. Setting your accounts to private will prevent this and the unnecessary drama it may cause. 

Contributors: Justin Lavelle from PeopleLooker

0 points
Upvote Downvote

#12 Get tested for STDs

No Title

No Description

Source

If you find out your partner has committed unfaithful acts, stop having unprotected sex immediately. A person unknowingly catching something from someone else and passing it along to his/her partner is not uncommon. While some partners admit to cheating right away (usually because it was an accident), others will hide affairs and hookups for years--oftentimes with multiple people. You have no idea what your partner (and quite possibly yourself) has. Therefore, schedule for a check up that tests for STDs. Insist that your partner has one, as well. Until notified you are safe by a doctor, use proper protection. 

Contributors: Justin Lavelle from PeopleLooker

0 points
Upvote Downvote

This post was created with our nice and easy submission form. Create your post!

What do you think?

0 points
Upvote Downvote