They Left: 12 Steps To Recover From A Breakup

So many times after a break up you'll just want to talk to your ex-partner thinking that If I could just explain or many other things like this that will pop into your head, DON'T. Give then time and space. If you chase them, they will run and you'll make things worse.

Contributors: Joyce Blue from Empowering You Life Enhancement Coaching

One great way to get out of our own sorrows and forget our problems is to serve others. Find a local shelter or food bank, call a friend, or nearby church and ask them what you can do to help do help them in some way. When we put or efforts into helping others it helps us forget our problems and it feels good.

Contributors: Joyce Blue from Empowering You Life Enhancement Coaching

Don't look at this as a failure. Look back on the relationship and reflect on what you could have done differently. In every adversity there is a lesson. The sooner you learn what it was, the easier it will be to have closure. There really is no such thing as failure.

Contributors: Joyce Blue from Empowering You Life Enhancement Coaching

After a break up is the perfect time to rediscover you.  There are things that you like to do which you might have foregone doing because your partner was not interested, start doing them again.  Enroll in that class you have been putting off.  Learn a new skill.  Reengage with your friends or take up a new hobby.  Learning to love who you are alone will make you ready for the next relationship which comes your way.

Contributors: V. Lynn Whitfield from VLW Enterprise Inc.

Regardless of why your partner broke the relationship off, now's the time to remember who you are and value your self-worth. This is a mental battle with yourself. Will you spend more time putting yourself down or building yourself up for the next partner -- a better partner who will appreciate you and your attributes! Listen to your inner self-talk and catch any insecurities, doubts and fears about the future. Start listing your positive qualities and what makes you a good partner. Be that person. Believe in yourself. It will be much easier getting over the breakup when your self-confidence is boosted and you're not sitting in a pity party of your own making.

Contributors: Rosalind Sedacca from Divorce, Dating & Empowered Living

A positive way of dealing with your breakup is by focusing on you. Treat yourself to a spa day whether it’s getting your nails and hair done, or having a massage.

Contributors: Holly Zink from Grapevine

Okay, this may sound a bit cliché, but hear me out. Part of what makes breakups so difficult is that we tend to go through them alone. Sure, others may be there to offer their support, but they’re not experiencing the full emotional weight of the breakup like you are. When you find a breakup song where you know the artist “gets it” because he or she is expressing exactly what you’re feeling, you’re reminded that you’re not alone—and that can feel damn good! A personal favorite of mine: “Girl From The North Country” by Bob Dylan.

Contributors: Matt Smith from Charlotte Counseling & Wellness

If someone broke up with you, you may feel out of control. You may have not chosen this break up, however now it has happened, gravitate toward what you do have control of: your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.

Contributors: Megan B. Bartley from Louisville Mindfulness Center

Every relationship is a potential learning experience. The pain we feel after a breakup is because of all the positive emotions we felt about that person - which highlights all the strengths we had to make that choice and attract that partner. But there were reasons it didn’t work out. And that might give us clues about traits we want to avoid in the future (was he or she too self-centered, inflexible, unkind, overly dependent?) So that, hopefully, future relationships may be more lasting.

Allow yourself your sadness, your anger - it’s part of grief. But than ask yourself - “What  is the takeaway lesson? Perhaps there’s a message that will make my life happier in the future!

Contributors: Arlene B. Englander from ArleneEnglander

Nothing takes over our mind in the wake of a breakup like the stories we tell ourselves. Of course these stories are rarely empowering and, more often than not, they are far from true. This is because our pain and suspicion, and sometimes even our vengeance, exacerbates grief’s ugliest emotions. As a result, we turn on ourselves in our mind. Then, in an effort to gain control over ourselves and that which devastates us, we put ourselves at the center of all blame. The harm is, going there won’t save your relationship, foster a new one, or remind you that who you are is enough to love.

This is why you need to surround yourself with a fresh pile of books. Changing the way you think about yourself, others, and your life is a lifelong project that you have to engage in every day. In time you won’t even realize you’re doing it, but initially it will hurt and challenge you. Reading, however, will make the process not only more enjoyable but easier as it will pour new thoughts into your mind and show you new ways to think about yourself and your circumstances, the relationships you lose and the love you gain, and your world.

Contributors: Chelsea Leigh Trescott from Thank You Heartbreak

The worst thing you can do after a breakup is to sit and wallow wondering what happened. Participating in productive activities such as exercise and art classes can help you deal with your breakup.

Contributors: Holly Zink from Grapevine

Emotional freedom begins by letting go of the need to know the whys of an ex in favor of discovering the whys of your own heart. Of course, to reveal your own whys you have to ask the right questions and coach yourself into recovering your most honest and hidden answers.

Begin here, ask yourself: If you had the chance to sit down with your ex, would you be more interested in hearing what’s in his heart or voicing what’s in your own? What do you think you would hear? What do you think you would say? Write it all out. Then, say it to yourself. Learn to grow comfortable acknowledging and sharing your full truth.

Contributors: Chelsea Leigh Trescott from Thank You Heartbreak (Coaching website)